As promised several posts ago, I've started the "Full Catastrophe Living" process. Every day, I do a 45 minute mindfulness meditation. Have you ever tried to sit for 45 minutes and focus on your big toe? That's an exaggeration but the body scan tape they recommend you use goes through each part of your body and has you focus on it so slowly. I kind of like the process because the idea is to just let whatever's there be there. At the end of the cd this evening, I was so pissed at the guy on the tape. I wanted to yell at him "Enough already! I'm ready to get up and do something!! Shut up!!!" I just let that feeling be there, though, and observed it rather than acting on it. Even after doing this for just three or four times, I can see a difference in how I'm able to focus and how centered and clear I feel.
Before I did the meditation, I worked on the art I'm going to put up in the living room. I loved getting back to painting. I'm using a beautiful, beautiful red color -- it was supposed to be Venetian red (left) but I couldn't find it anywhere here so I'm settling for something called red oxide (below).
I think I like the substitute better! I love working with color.
On another artistic note, I've decided to go up to the Hamilton Woodtype Museum for a workshop as a birthday celebration for myself. The workshop is on Saturday the 19th but it's a 6 hour drive so I'll leave Friday and come back Sunday. I'm nervous but am really looking forward to it. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself any more about doing things like this alone. I'm remembering that I used to enjoy my own company so it will be a good opportunity to spend some time alone doing something fun.
I'm feeling really grateful right now. I have so many things to look forward to - trip to Hamilton Wood Type Museum, trip to Cape May - and so many great people in my life - getting together with various friends & family for breakfast, lunch, dinner or coffee, having a job that is relatively low stress (even though it is low paying), going to a beautiful office every day and working with someone I love working with, having great sisters (biological and otherwise), maintaining a healthy, loving relationship with Geoff, having Maddy and Toby in my life. Feeling healthy and active. Being able to do art and graphic design and knitting. I could go on and on. It's great to be able to feel good again and see these things again.
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Wow, you do have a lot to be grateful for! I suppose that's the thing to do - look on the bright side and all that positive stuff. It's really hard sometimes though - especially lately. I'm glad you're feeling positive though! I haven't been writing anything in my blog lately and I think much of that is because I don't have many positive things to say, and I hate to just keep harping on what's wrong in my life. I'll follow your example and try to be more positive! But I don't think I could meditate for 45 minutes, at least not now. 10 minutes is about the most I can ever do, even if I did have 45 spare minutes!
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