AND...

I got a new haircut and new glasses...I'm reinventing myself!

Here's the hair model:

Here's my new haircut:

Other than the hair being parted on the opposite side, I think I now bear an uncanny resemblance to the model! The stylist was amazing...Ok...not EXACTLY like the model. 

I also got a new pair of glasses:

Pretty hip, huh? Or just ridiculous. I know I'm being narcissistic and superficial given all that's going on in the world these days but most of you know I hate having my picture taken so this is a big step for me! I needed a little break from tragedy. It's been fun to try new things...and I want to share them with you. Next up...wanna see my liposuction scars?

Getting Settled

Well...each day, I'm a little more settled in my new little place. I like it a lot and am enjoying "nesting" -- padding my home with comfort so I can settle in and incubate whatever's about to hatch in the next stage of my life. Every day, I feel a little more comfortable and relaxed. I've taken a couple of photos but will wait to take more until it looks less bare. My favorite part is that most of the big stuff is taken care of and now it's just the little touches left. I love to personalize the space and make it warm, welcoming and cozy. 

Strangely enough, as I was moving in, I saw a woman who works at the Counseling Center and who is now the President of the Champaign Psychologist group I was the President of last year! We've worked pretty closely together. She's literally my next door neighbor. I'm in 307 and she's in 306! It was nice to see a friendly face. I'm sort of wondering if anyone else actually lives in this complex. I see cars but I've only seen one other person going in or out of her apartment. Not that I'm complaining! Very quiet. 

 
The only pictures I've taken so far are of the bedroom. I love my new bedspread. It's fluffy and very pretty. Norma was nice enough to give me some sheets she'd never used -- much nicer than I'd ever buy for myself (400 count!). They're luxurious. I also got a candle that I light in the evenings to make the room smell wonderful. 

The walls are stark and white now but I'm planning on painting something to go at the head of the bed. I already have an idea of what I'd like to do. Hopefully, next weekend...I've moved my easel (which used to be Sarah's easel) so I can paint in my bedroom. If you have any ideas for inexpensive ways to bring art to the walls, please let me know!!  

 

I got a feather topper to make my mattress soft and cushy. What's funny is that even though I've only slept in the bed here a couple of times, the down on the side I've been sleeping on already has a dent in it. I guess I'll have to trade off the side I sleep on to keep it even.

I set up the chair in the corner as a place I can quietly sit, think, read, and relax. I can't wait for spring days when I can open the window. The view off of our patio (which I can access from the bedroom) is not ideal. Right next door is a vet clinic and - I didn't learn this until early the Sunday morning after the Saturday I moved in - it's also a kennel. That means the dogs bark in the morning for their food. I'm hoping I'll get used to it. Some of them are even funny. This morning, one of the dogs sort of did this little song -- ruf, ruf, ruf, ruf -- roo, roo, roo, roo -- with the last four notes being like he was going up the scale. Very funny (the first 50 times, anyway). On the other side of the clinic is a delicious Mexican Restaurant. I'm sure they'll become familiar with me. :-)

Back to work tomorrow. I'm looking forward to more nesting in the evening. Soon, I'll even be able to have people over for dinner and a fire (in the fireplace, not the kitchen). More pictures soon! Thanks to everyone who's been there to support me through this difficult time...I'm so appreciative of the support I've gotten from so many people. 

Phipps Conservatory

Went to Phipps yesterday with Sarah. I had forgotten what a great place it is. Big enough to have some variety but small enough that we were through it before we got too saturated. There was also some work by a glass artists named Hans Godo Frabel. I love his glass vessels. 
I took lots of photos and when we got back and I started to move them from my phone to my computer, Sarah showed me how to open the files so that I could edit them in all different ways. Lots of fun. In addition to Frabel's work, I took photos of beautiful plants and some of Chihuly's glass art too.

The building itself is really very pretty:

These are just a few of the masks that were displayed in the entry:

Here are some other pieces that were scattered throughout:

They have some amazing permanent installations of Chihuly glass:

And now for the plants:

The orchids were the purtiest. 

A Resolution of Sorts

I'm reading a book by David Richo called How to be an adult in relationships: The five keys to mindful loving. I have found a lot of comfort and wisdom in the book.

When he says, "I have lived too long in the past of 'not enough' and the future of 'not yet.'" It reminds me of how much I've lived in these two realms. I've been grieving the deprivations I felt as a child and, at the same time, waiting, waiting, and waiting for something good to happen in the future to rescue me from that deprivation. As I acknowledge and let go of the past and recognize unrealistic fantasies for the future, I hope to live my life in a way that allows me to focus on what's happening now. I want to feel confident in decisions that feel healthy and positive rather than focus on what used to be or what might happen in some distant future, immobilized by sadness and fear.

He also says:

Perhaps the best partners come to us when we neither seek nor avoid the possibility of finding someone. We simply live in accord with our deepest needs and wishes and notice people we meet. We trust the universe and its miraculous power of synchronicity to bring us just the person who is best for us.

One of my main hopes right now is that I can live congruently so that what I say and what I do match up. I hope to pay attention to what I need, what feels honest and trustworthy and respectful of others and myself; to set boundaries that have integrity and are firm enough to build the kind of trust I want with others -- I want to mean what I say and not give mixed messages. I truly want to believe that if I can do these things, I can trust that the rest will take care of itself. I don't have to push or pull or orchestrate anything. Life will fall around me in just the way it needs to.