I'm reading a book by David Richo called How to be an adult in relationships: The five keys to mindful loving. I have found a lot of comfort and wisdom in the book.
When he says, "I have lived too long in the past of 'not enough' and the future of 'not yet.'" It reminds me of how much I've lived in these two realms. I've been grieving the deprivations I felt as a child and, at the same time, waiting, waiting, and waiting for something good to happen in the future to rescue me from that deprivation. As I acknowledge and let go of the past and recognize unrealistic fantasies for the future, I hope to live my life in a way that allows me to focus on what's happening now. I want to feel confident in decisions that feel healthy and positive rather than focus on what used to be or what might happen in some distant future, immobilized by sadness and fear.
He also says:
One of my main hopes right now is that I can live congruently so that what I say and what I do match up. I hope to pay attention to what I need, what feels honest and trustworthy and respectful of others and myself; to set boundaries that have integrity and are firm enough to build the kind of trust I want with others -- I want to mean what I say and not give mixed messages. I truly want to believe that if I can do these things, I can trust that the rest will take care of itself. I don't have to push or pull or orchestrate anything. Life will fall around me in just the way it needs to.
Perhaps the best partners come to us when we neither seek nor avoid the possibility of finding someone. We simply live in accord with our deepest needs and wishes and notice people we meet. We trust the universe and its miraculous power of synchronicity to bring us just the person who is best for us.